“I tell the kids who come to see me that THEY choose their consequences by their behavior. Part of an adult’s job is to help children face the consequences of their behavior, explains Arquette. “For example, if a child kicks a hole in the wall, the natural consequence may be that their toe hurts, whereas the logical consequence may be that they lose an afternoon of playtime and have to help their parent repair the drywall.” Choosing Consequences “While punishments may ‘work,’ to interrupt a behavior short term, they have potentially negative long-term effects including causing children to feel bad about who they are (which also makes them more likely to act out again), as well as creating an adversarial relationship between parents and child.”Ĭonsequences can be positive or negative, and there are two types: natural consequences, which occur as a direct result of the child’s behavior, says Arquette, and logical consequences, which are those imposed by caregivers because of the child’s behavior. Punishments make children feel bad, or worse yet, suffer. “They’re related concepts but with a different purpose.”Īccording to Arquette, consequences help kids to learn from mistakes, choose better behaviors, and get along in the world. “I emphasize the use of consequences over punishment,” says Kristen Arquette, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Bellevue, WA. There’s so many questions surrounding the topic of discipline, such as: At what age should you start taking away technology? Or at what age is time-out no longer effective? Experts chime in. Disciplining children is never fun for you, or your child.
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